Have I lost interest?
About 3 months ago, I was notified that one of my "dream firms" was hiring. Excited, I applied. 3 meetings and a psychometric test later, I was rejected.
I was confused.
It felt a lot like a date where it had gone right, the 'perfect' one, only to know that the guy wasn't into you at all. Except, for me, this meant a lot more than a potential date, because what was 'wrong', was me. When I got the news, I felt like my heart was minced and I just couldn't stop crying. The whole weekend involved sobbing spiels. My friends called me out for brunch, and I couldn't even conceal the mess I was in. My eyes were a bloodshot. My cheeks were so pink and puffy. I kept thinking "I fucked it up", even though I didn't know what went wrong. I told my mentor and she said, sometimes you can be the best person for the job but if the fit isn't right, you're not the one. Of course, I broke into tears after that. Again.
Having done a degree in Banking and Finance, developed a 'passion' and genuine interest in investments and portfolio management, that role would serve as THE perfect entry level role. I broke out in tears again when I saw the firm post an ad for that specific role quoting "if you're an ambitious graduate". I just thought it was mockery. I felt so foolish for putting so much into one firm.
After much rational thinking. That can't be right. LiAnn, stop being so sensitive and get your shit together. I did. Accepted another job and got on with it. But the whole time, I just thought I could have done so much better. Why? Why was this happening to me?
3 months later. Still at that job. And I have somehow become my boss/manager's right hand woman. Whatever he needed done, I was the one he CC'ed. He had a question about tax or finance, I became the first point of contact. And only 3 months later, reminiscing about the job I was rejected from, have I learnt that you can love a job with a full heart and soul, fantasize even, but if it wasn't meant to be, it isn't yours, it isn't your path.
And starting this current job, at the beginning, I wasn't thrilled. It seemed like a lot of data entry, mundane work, not what I want to do at all. But once I got into the rhythm of things, I found my niche, it is managing relationships with external stakeholders, and no one in the team was doing it. Who would have thought? I took the initiative to improve one of the issues we have. And here I am, one month in my new role and actually quite fond of it.
In regards to portfolio management, have I lost interest?
I don't know.
Have my interests changed?
Yes. Definitely.
I was confused.
It felt a lot like a date where it had gone right, the 'perfect' one, only to know that the guy wasn't into you at all. Except, for me, this meant a lot more than a potential date, because what was 'wrong', was me. When I got the news, I felt like my heart was minced and I just couldn't stop crying. The whole weekend involved sobbing spiels. My friends called me out for brunch, and I couldn't even conceal the mess I was in. My eyes were a bloodshot. My cheeks were so pink and puffy. I kept thinking "I fucked it up", even though I didn't know what went wrong. I told my mentor and she said, sometimes you can be the best person for the job but if the fit isn't right, you're not the one. Of course, I broke into tears after that. Again.
Having done a degree in Banking and Finance, developed a 'passion' and genuine interest in investments and portfolio management, that role would serve as THE perfect entry level role. I broke out in tears again when I saw the firm post an ad for that specific role quoting "if you're an ambitious graduate". I just thought it was mockery. I felt so foolish for putting so much into one firm.
After much rational thinking. That can't be right. LiAnn, stop being so sensitive and get your shit together. I did. Accepted another job and got on with it. But the whole time, I just thought I could have done so much better. Why? Why was this happening to me?
3 months later. Still at that job. And I have somehow become my boss/manager's right hand woman. Whatever he needed done, I was the one he CC'ed. He had a question about tax or finance, I became the first point of contact. And only 3 months later, reminiscing about the job I was rejected from, have I learnt that you can love a job with a full heart and soul, fantasize even, but if it wasn't meant to be, it isn't yours, it isn't your path.
And starting this current job, at the beginning, I wasn't thrilled. It seemed like a lot of data entry, mundane work, not what I want to do at all. But once I got into the rhythm of things, I found my niche, it is managing relationships with external stakeholders, and no one in the team was doing it. Who would have thought? I took the initiative to improve one of the issues we have. And here I am, one month in my new role and actually quite fond of it.
In regards to portfolio management, have I lost interest?
I don't know.
Have my interests changed?
Yes. Definitely.
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