17052019 "How did I do?"
Every month or so, my manager and I would have a catch up session, and recently they have become walking meetings. Talking about the company's ongoing changes, what we are predicting that could or would happen, and of course me.
How am I progressing, what have I improved, what new thing do I want to implement, and I would always ask, what can I improve on? And he would reply with, "I don't really know, but I'll let you know if anything". Objectively, one could say I am doing a pretty good job. I get my work done, being proactive in managing issues that may become compliance risk, think of new ways to simplify and efficient-nize processes. There is one lingering thought, in my view, everyone has something they can improve on, regardless of how small or subtle it may be, there is always something.
I have this obsession with "I can do better". And of course, there is a dichotomy to it, you can't be on extreme ends. Too much of humbling yourself down, you seem to lack confidence in what you do, too much of it and you are going to burn out. Of all times, I realized this in a recent interview.
A week ago, I was headhunted by one of the largest investment management firm. For scale, they manage about $7 trillion in assets. Huge company. One I even have investments in. The position, even though it was an intermediate/ entry level position, it was a foot in the door into the "right direction" in my so-called career path. I have always wanted to be in one of the glitzy firms, big enough where people recognize and be impressed with. And there I was, sputtering my sentences with "uhms" and more "uhms". I knew the company well enough to give a presentation on it, and why I had investments in it, but I didn't disclose that. Why? Well. I lacked confidence. I didn't believe that I was actually sitting in the office with a breathtaking view. I didn't believe that the job can be mine. There were other factors but that's for another time.
We are often taught to be humble, and be a"team player people person". Saying "we" as a team did XYZ, or "we" achieved XYZ in XXX months. Maybe I should have bragged about what I have achieve thus far and what I have implemented and the results. What I should have said was, "I would like to work at XYZ firm because I know that my abilities would make a mark in your organization. You will see results because this isn't my first time. I have been in situations where I have to deal with difficult people, difficult situations with a whole myriad of issues - technical, culture, timing, and what have you, but the outcome was has a positive impact. I am also great at finding little things to change with the aim of improved efficiency, which results from countless experimentation. I find it rewarding when put myself in uncomfortable positions because I know it will help me grow and learn. I am young, I can make mistakes, recovery is quick.
I regret not being on the same level of arrogance as the interviewers, that's for sure.
How am I progressing, what have I improved, what new thing do I want to implement, and I would always ask, what can I improve on? And he would reply with, "I don't really know, but I'll let you know if anything". Objectively, one could say I am doing a pretty good job. I get my work done, being proactive in managing issues that may become compliance risk, think of new ways to simplify and efficient-nize processes. There is one lingering thought, in my view, everyone has something they can improve on, regardless of how small or subtle it may be, there is always something.
I have this obsession with "I can do better". And of course, there is a dichotomy to it, you can't be on extreme ends. Too much of humbling yourself down, you seem to lack confidence in what you do, too much of it and you are going to burn out. Of all times, I realized this in a recent interview.
A week ago, I was headhunted by one of the largest investment management firm. For scale, they manage about $7 trillion in assets. Huge company. One I even have investments in. The position, even though it was an intermediate/ entry level position, it was a foot in the door into the "right direction" in my so-called career path. I have always wanted to be in one of the glitzy firms, big enough where people recognize and be impressed with. And there I was, sputtering my sentences with "uhms" and more "uhms". I knew the company well enough to give a presentation on it, and why I had investments in it, but I didn't disclose that. Why? Well. I lacked confidence. I didn't believe that I was actually sitting in the office with a breathtaking view. I didn't believe that the job can be mine. There were other factors but that's for another time.
We are often taught to be humble, and be a"team player people person". Saying "we" as a team did XYZ, or "we" achieved XYZ in XXX months. Maybe I should have bragged about what I have achieve thus far and what I have implemented and the results. What I should have said was, "I would like to work at XYZ firm because I know that my abilities would make a mark in your organization. You will see results because this isn't my first time. I have been in situations where I have to deal with difficult people, difficult situations with a whole myriad of issues - technical, culture, timing, and what have you, but the outcome was has a positive impact. I am also great at finding little things to change with the aim of improved efficiency, which results from countless experimentation. I find it rewarding when put myself in uncomfortable positions because I know it will help me grow and learn. I am young, I can make mistakes, recovery is quick.
I regret not being on the same level of arrogance as the interviewers, that's for sure.
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