16082019 I settled.

For a year, I was in an on and off again dating-relationship. I didn't think it had such an impact it did. Normally it was easy to move on. Once I don't feel appreciated/ valued, I just leave. And that has always been the case until this one person. I got attached, and there are a range of factors to this. Emotions were involved and I was in admiration of his being. To me, he was a successful career/ financial wise, smart, and everything I aspire to be. But there were so many red flags. For example the fact I didn't know his real name, reluctant to tell me his birthday (?), lied about not having a kid. The people I knew who I confided was just questioning why I was with this asswipe of a person. Not to mention the lack of reciprocation of effort.

My younger self would have called me an idiot, but somehow a self limiting belief that "this is what I deserve" crawled its way to my being. I just kept thinking, "its okay, it will get better, he said he wants to change, he will". First of all, people can whip things out of thin air and say shit they don't mean. And if he really wanted to change he would. No matter how busy a person is, if he or she values you, they will make the time or at least try to make it up to you.

I settled. I hated myself for it.